so this is a story, about mr v and co the christenson’s deciding that this year they were going to go and cut down their own christmas tree.

mr v and co says ” hey wife of mine, i think this year we should cut down our own tree.”

“yay.” i say enthusiastically. not.

i think to myself, it’s cold and we have a perfectly good “tree A” from hellmart that has served us well for 9 years now.

“i thought you were all into creating traditions and isn’t martha stewart all into getting real trees.” mr v and co delivers a low blow.

“don’t bring martha into this, and yeah we already HAVE a tradition:
…get out “tree A” the day after thanksgiving, assemble “tree A”, put up the white lights on the tree, and the gold ribbon from the first time we had our first tree, tell the kids they can put up so and so ornaments, cringe when they find and continue to clump up all the ornaments that they’ve EVER made at school and walk away, till you can re-arrange them a little more evenly all over…just to have the whole christmas season changing it back as the kids “re-arrange” it in clumps again the way it “should” be. and so forth. you know kind of like a tennis match.”

“yeah, but don’t you think the smell of fresh pine in the house will be great?!” he says with his eyes lighting up.

i quickly think of the candle i just bought with the label “fresh pine tree” on it.

i decide to let it go.

“okay, fine we can cut down our own tree.”
and so we did.
and he let me do the honor of picking the tree. because he knows i’m super uh “picky.”

wow, i never noticed how many dang trees there are.
and well i ended choosing this one. because it was cold and there were too many to choose from and… it.was.cold.

notice the monster that took a bite out of it on the side? also notice the haphazard way the ornaments and lights are all strewn about?…read on.

as mr. v and co. stood up after putting it into the base, he stood back and let out one huge laugh with a “OH MY GOSH” in it…until he covered his mouth and replied,
“good job picking out an awesome tree hun!” slap on the back…

“ugh, i hate it. it’s hideous!”

just then the boys come by all excited “WOW!!!! awesome!!! i can’t believe we got a REAL tree this year!!!”

and then the question that i get asked every.single.year.
“CAN WE PUT UP THE COLOR LIGHTS?!!!!!”

which to that i usually answer “nooo, lets keep it more simple and mono-chromatic with just white lights.”
and on we go.

BUT THIS YEAR i thought “it’s already a hideous tree why not?”

“okay” i say out loud. to which the kids just sit and stare at me with deer in headlights looks.
i can see their brains working really hard with this and it looks a little like:

“not.processing.information.”

they snap out of it and excitedly they get going on the tree…with the dang colored lights.
and oh look at that… they find all their ornaments from school year pasts and start talking about ” i wonder what we’re going to make this year for ornaments…” as they clump them up on two branches.
not only that but they’ve managed to find ornaments i didn’t even knew were still around or even had.
the tree was getting overloaded as each moment passed.

*sigh*

i look back to mr v and co and he has a huge grin on his face.

“what?”

“nothing, i just think it’s funny that you finally have given in completely. how does it feel to lose total control over the christmas tree?”

“stupid.”

“you feel stupid?” he says.

“no, you are stupid.” i retort.
his grin gets bigger.

and with that we sit back watching our kids make the “hideous tree” turn into “a beast of a hideous tree.”

and that my friends, will go down in history as the year mom’s eye twitched every time she passed the christmas tree.

i think that after christmas i’m just going to unplug it and throw it away just like that.
i’ll show them losing control.