every morning i wake up and think “why can’t it be saturday?” every monday i wake up and sigh, and say to my self “just so-n-so more days till school is out” every day i send out my 8 year old out my front door, i wonder “how’s today going to be like?” every time the phone rings i cringe, and when i see that it’s not the public schools # i instantly relax. even if it’s a telemarketer, that’s better than a phone call from school. bacause a phone call from school usually means bad things, and it means i’m going to drag my butt over two streets with the three kids remaining at home, carry katie, have kyle hang on my leg, and have ryan look at me like “what did he do now?” you know we all worry, it’s a natural thing to worry, its actually a good thing to worry. if we didn’t worry, we would be walking in front of cars not caring, or we would stand too close to cliffs and might fall down. but when worry turns to constant, and it starts damaging your personal life, the lives of those around you, and basically becomes a problem, it is then called anxiety. now dont get me wrong some kind of anxiety is good, just like worrying about some things, having anxiety over certain incidents is a good thing too. but when it starts impeding your life, and you are not allowed to do day to day tasks, it becomes a problem. same thing with sadness, happiness, imaginations, anything that the mind does is there for a reason, to morn, to bring joy, to create, to learn, bring caution, to help you function day to day…but when any one of these basic functions become “extreme” they start to impede daily life, and it becomes a problem. nate’s always been a high strung full of life little boy, always ready for the next thing to happen. there were no markers a long the way for what we are dealing with now. which is why i have had a hard time giving what he’s going through a NAME. the things that he’s going through right now seem to correlate with a spectrum disorder, called pdd or as most people know it aspergers. it’s in the same family as autism. and while nate is doing some of the things that are on the list for diagnosis for aspergers, he doesn’t do some of the others. life goes on, but i cannot sit here and pretend that there isn’t something different going on with my oldest. so for the time being we’re calling it this, a spectrum disorder. and after the same diagnosis from two different specialists, nurology tests, and constant wondering of what am i doing wrong. i’ve done the denial, done the mourning, done the anger, and now i’m trying to make sure that i can be the best parent for this child who is having some major difficulties fitting in. and like i said havn’t we all had times when we don’t fit in, do something we weren’t suppose to cause we didn’t think it through? yes, we are human, but when these issues become a greater issue, and start impeding your life, and the lives of those around you, you must address it. and this my friends is what i’m doing. reading up on ways to help him, fighting the school to see him differently because of the diagnosis, trying to teach those that interact with him on a daily basis (including myself) that he not “wrong” he’s just sees things in different ways or sometimes DOESN’T see things the same way. is it easy? no way. is it going to get easier? i don’t know, i can only hope with my coaching i can help him. am i going to be able to make a differnce? i sure hope so. will this be forever? as time goes on and with coaching he will get closer and closer to knowing. am i sad? yeah, who wants to see their kid suffer? what does this mean for his future? nothing really, i mean it’s not going to stop him from being a doctor, garbage man, computer programer, artist, lawyer, or whatever he decides he loves to do. can’t wait to see what life throws at me next. like a pregnant goat, that would be hilarious….