This quilt has nothing to do with the blog post…I just needed a pretty first picture.

Please excuse me as this is the SECOND TIME I am writing this. I finished my first blog post and then tried to insert a picture and that’s when blogger decided to brain fart and it froze. I couldn’t even get a screen shot because the “insert picture” window was covering about 7/8 of my writing…and for some reason (because it’s me and everything hates me right now) NOTHING SAVED. You know how every so often it automatically saves? Not this time. I feel so defeated right now it’s not even funny. Well it’s kind of funny. No it’s not. This is right up there with getting hemorrhoids after having a baby. It’s that serious people. (not that I know anything about that I’ve just heard from friends)

UGH.

I was supposed to have this all done and written up a few days ago so I could just wrap up and hit “publish” the minute I did a once over after the kids headed back to school. But that’s not happening. This never ending winter vacation made even longer because of “snow days” has obviously taken it’s toll on me and I’m extra saucy. Add a blog post kerfluffle and well now you have this. It aint pretty.

We are on day 19 of kids being home….in a freaking row. This once spacious enough for us home feels like a small cave enslaving us…This morning promised to be the same thing of “Mom, who can I play with.” “Mom, I’m bored of coloring, crafting holiday crafts, helping you in the kitchen, cleaning my room, reading my books, watching you go crazy…can I play video games?”

And then always my favorite “MOM! He’s breathing annoyingly!”  MOM! She’s looking at me weird!”  “MOM! JUST GET US ALL WHAT WE WANT AT THE SAME TIME SO WE ARE ALL HAPPY AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT GIVE US ALL AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR SOMETHING AND WE WILL ALL LEAVE YOU ALONE!”

As tempting as that sounds. I’m gonna have to go with “UH, no.”

And I’d like for it to be known that it was around day 19 when I lost my mind, but that I gave it my all till the end. (kidding, I have a few more days in me and yes, YES, I know one day I too will miss these days. I just wish it was today that I missed it… again, again I kid) .saucy.

Anyways, I did get friends for my kids to play with so I had a little bit of time while my house got trashed, that I was able to write my hilarious (to me now) encounter…but as I already whined in the beginning of this blog post. It went POOF…and I went “swear word” and now here we are again.

I’ll get on with it and hopefully I can write it like I did the first time if not better because people it was freaking hilarious.

So this is a story about the time I took my third noisemaker with me somewhere only to have it be the last time I promised to take him anywhere ever again….

This is my third noisemaker.

So I sell patterns. Yeah yeah, I know you know.

I am grateful for the sales of my patterns, it helps me to buy fabric which then helps me to create things again to create new patterns to sell, which helps me to buy more fabric. And hence helps with the ongoing vicious cycle. YAY! Anyways, with said sales I often times have to make trips to shipping stores. They know me there.

My UPS store I frequent knows me pretty well. Well sort of well. Okay so they see me drop off packages and we joke about the crazy weather or what not…and I come off as a mom who works from home. Pretty good on the surface acquaintances. Nothing too scary…till I had one of my kids with me and he made me look like I was a professional you know what. Or in other words:

“That one time when my kid made me look like a word that rhymes with four.” other names for this profession:  streetwalker, lady of the night, someone that stands on the corner and waits for business, or a floozy.

Know what word i’m talking about now?

Yeah that one.

My third noise maker is a happy child, most of the time. He’s usually in LALA land and comes to reality when he’s hungry or wants something. Other wise he’s playing with legos, reading a book, wanting to play video games, or climbing something. The kid is all over the place, but generally speaking he’s an easy going happy child…who sometimes speaks in riddles. I don’t know how else to describe it other than sometimes you’re scratching your head going “wait what?” till the kid then explains what he’s thinking. To which we usually all end up going “Ohhhhh. I get it, yeah makes sense.”

So this one time I needed to go to the UPS store and for some reason it was just he and I on this errand. When we got to the UPS store…said child chuckled and said “The “ups” store. Do the send everything “up”?”

I smiled at him. Like to say “haha, you are funny.”

“Okay all we have to do is get this package in there and drop it off and then we can leave.”

“Okay…hey do you think we need to look “up” when we get in there?” hehehe he cracks himself up. (I never claimed that he was funny.)

I roll my eyes and we go inside,

When we enter the store, I get in line behind the only other person in there. I check my package to make sure everything is okay, everything looks good. So efficient I am! (I apparently speak yoda whenever I feel cocky)

We move to the front of the line and nice UPS gentleman says “Well, well! Another package I see! Going to so and so place, weighing in at so and so lbs…”

I look down at the child and notice he’s off in that special place all the while staring “up”…cause we’re in the “ups” store of course.

“Yep, just one today!”

“Oops looks like you missed one signature right here.”

He pushes it towards me, someone walks in to stand in line behind us.

I reach over get a pen, and start signing my signature…

Then all of a sudden my son comes out of wherever he is tugs on my shirt and says “I have three dads.”

whaaaaaaa the???

I stop dead in my tracks in the middle of signing my name…and it’s dead silent.

The man behind me has stopped moving all together, perhaps he’s stopped breathing…the nice UPS gentleman stopped in mid taping of a package…and all I can hear is my heart beating in my ears…

And then he said it again “Mom, I have three dads.”

I slowly look up at the nice UPS gentleman and he’s staring looking over his glasses at me with one eyebrow clear up his forehead and his mouth half dropped open.

His hands still hovering over the package with the tape in his hands. As if saying “Oh, well then…I see…”

I smile with a haha kids look…and then look down with the same painted on smile and through clenched teeth say to my child who I’d like to pummel “You only have one dad, silly. hahahaha…ahem.”

Man it’s hot in here…

The third noisemaker answers matter of fact “Nope I have three dads.”

The nice UPS gentleman clears his throat…

And i’m like

this can not be happening…Is.this.happening? It must have happened because it feels like everything is going in slow motion, and the walls are caving in…and did someone TURN ON THE FREAKING HEAT IN HERE???

I finish my signature, and push the package back to the nice UPS gentleman and I say “That about takes care of it right?”

He answers back “That’ll get er done.”

OH MY GOSH DID HE JUST SAY “THAT WILL GET HER DONE”? OR “THAT WILL GET IT DONE”???

ALL we had to do was get in, drop off, and get out. GET IN, DROP OFF, GET OUT….GET OUT oh my gosh I have to get out!

I say thank you with my head down grab the child’s hand that is going to lose his life soon, and walk past the man that has given me ample amount of space and is hiding behind his package to ward off any evil viruses or whatever that I might give him from being too close to him…

We walk out and get to the car.

A sigh of relief…Holy mother of all that is good.

I open the car door still shaking my head trying to figure out what in the world just happened…the third noisemaker starts to get in and I have to ask…

“Seriously? THREE DADS? I don’t get it.”

He looks at me innocently and smiles and as he’s buckling in says “Yeah, I have ONE DAD, and TWO granDADS…that makes three DADS. Can we go get pizza now?”

And just like that it made sense and I said “Ohhh I get it. huh.” And no one was around to hear the explanation to the riddle but me… and then I got in the car and that was coincidentally the same day I looked to see where the next closest UPS store was, cause I wasn’t going to go back to that one like ever.

ps: thanks for the word of encouragement. life is good. 😉