|taken at the botanical gardens in Cleveland Ohio
there are times while in the middle of a situation that the thought crosses my mind: “this is going to make a great blog post when i have a little bit of time to forget the traumatizing feelings i am experiencing and it actually becomes kind of funny.”
i had one of those situations just recently. and apparently its been made fun of in my family enough that i am now laughing about it as well.
so here’s a little story.
the story about when i got stuck in the mens room for what felt like an eternity.
our family went on a mini vacation. we went to see some historical sites, and an art museum and then we hit up a botanical garden. all good fun was had, but these are not the situations i am talking about.
no, it happened on a sunday. we located and went to church services…apparently we feel no need to miss a church day even while on vacation. go us! we got our kids all situated in their sunday classes, the husband and i in ours. i, for one sunday, did not have the responsibilities i normally have every sunday for my own congregation. it was…nice to sit and relax and be taught to.
about 45 minutes into the lesson i look up and through the little window i see the sunday school teacher for the little kids flagging in my general direction. i look at her and make eye contact and she mouths “yeah you.” but with a smile.
i get up and walk out.
she says with the nicest voice and huge sincere smile and eyes “oh, your little guy is crying in the bathroom. im so sorry!”
mom instinct takes over my body and i thank her and immediately run in the general area of where he is. i pause for a second as i realize the door is being held open to the mens bathroom by another little 9 year old boy and i enter as he says “he’s crying. i think he said his stomach hurts but i can’t understand him cause he’s crying.” i thank the little boy as i pass him, and he stands guard at the bathroom door for me.
i knock on the stall and my little guy whimpers while opening the stall gives me the saddest look and says
“mom? i had an accident.” and again the tears threaten to spill over.
i tell him “no worries we’ll get you cleaned up and on your way back to the class in no time.” huge smile. “i’ve got this, and it’s not a big deal.” yep. great mom moment cataloged for me.
and we do just that. we get him all cleaned up. as i turn around to pick up the dirty underwear to be thrown away, and make sure we’ve cleaned everything up, my little guy leaves the stall, washes his hands and….WALKS OUT. like super fast flash. i’ve never seen him move that fast. with the other boy perhaps? i dont know. but i turn around and right as i walk out of the stall from the corner of my eye i see some man facing the wall and going pee. i GASP, and put my hand over my mouth to catch any noise i’m about to make and quickly back into the stall lock it, and do what every respectable human being would do:
i quietly freak out and start waving my arms and yelling in my head “OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh… OH.MY.GOSH.” and then i whisper “seriously? this can not be happening.”
apparently classes had let out. and if i thought one man in the mens room was bad having a whole slew of men needing to go to the restroom was worst.
and that’s what happened.
it went from bad to worse in seconds.
what in the. seriously? what did i do to piss off the gods and make this happen. it was my “I’m such a great mom moment i had just a few seconds ago wasn’t it?
whatever the case, i had to assure that i was not noticed and had to make some life decisions and fast.
a.) call and walk and freak everyone the *swear word* out in mid stream as i run out…no thanks.
b.) call out and say please get out because i’m stuck in here and don’t want to hear anymore about your guy’s past weekend plans or that you had to fix your car’s tires, and i really just want to forget this all happened.”…nope.
c.) climb on the toilet so no one sees my cute high heels (seriously they were cute, but nothing a man would be caught dead wearing. well, maybe some, but i have too small of feet to have mens feet.)
hmmm what if i fall in the water? i don’t want to ruin my shoes…so no go on that.
well that just left option:
d.) stand behind the toilet in the corner so the toilet hides my feet and close my eyes and mentally cry out to the heavens above to make this situation end and soon and with no more further embarrassment of someone finding me.
as i stood there i kept thinking. this.is never going to end.
apparently my son upon realizing that i wasn’t right behind him when he left the bathroom, decided to wait for me outside in the hallway, and his MALE teacher came out to look for him to see why he hadn’t gone back yet to the sharing time of sunday school that was about to start. when he kept telling him that “my mom is in the men’s bathroom.” the teacher came in with him and i heard my kid whisper “she’s in there.”
i mentally was screaming
NO NO NO!!!! WHY ME?!!!!
i would have come out except i knew there was a guy in mid stream in the next area. cause i could hear him peeing and i saw his shoes.
the teacher hesitantly said
“well, i don’t think i see anyone in there…and you are doing okay now right?”
and my son answered “yeah.” and then they left.
i was like “oh yeah who’s a bad A now?! i totally positioned myself to hide behind this toilet LIKE A FREAKING PRO. booooyaaaa!”
wait i’m still stuck in the mens freaking bathroom.
oh and i stood there for what felt like an eternity. but was in actuality a total of 15 minutes.
then finally, FINALLY i heard the sweet sound of silence as everyone was heading to the next set of classes, and i counted to ten and RAN AS FAST AS I COULD OUT OF THE BATHROOM.
i serioulsy felt like i won!
what? i don’t know but i WON DANG IT!!
i calmed myself down found my husband, sat down next to him and he was like “where have you been?”
and i was like “oh my GOSH! you would NOT believe what happened to me!” all in a whisper of course.
and as i told him the whole story in a high pitch whisper the husband looks at me and says one thing:
yep. i guess.
and well now we have yet another “do you remember when mom…” story for the family history. booya.