The Blog

i knew going in…


i guess where i made the mistake was when i was so optimistic thinking that THIS time it was going to be different. hello, my name is vanessa and welcome to what i like to call “my personal hell…walmart with all my kids”…

as i turn off the car, i turn to my children and say “okay recite the rules” they list them “no running, no yelling…” and the most important one “always one hand on the cart.” okay off we go. i should of known though that it wasnt going to be that easy. nate had had 3 bad days in a row at school. and why would walmart be any different? “look mom i’m controlling myself!” were his famous last words as we approached the blasted box store. as i look at him i’m remembering the last few days, everything from almost breaking my favorite (and one of my only glass things around our house) yellow ware bowl, by “accidentally” chucking a stuffed animal at full speed in the kitchen, and dumping my freshly made tapioca down the sink “cause it looked weird“, going into the back yard with toilet paper in hand proceed to poop, and wipe himself and when asked “why?” his answer is “buck does it” (okay that was a few months ago, but that memory flooded back) and sooooo many other little things i all of a sudden got this dark cloud come over me and the headache began. i can’t tell at this point if it’s just that the backpack with katie in it that is pressing on the wrong pressure points or if it’s just anxiety flooding over my body, but the headache begins…as i load everyone up onto the cart, i already hear my first “wow, you’ve got your hands full” of the day, i smile and think “you have nooo idea lady.” we turn the first corner and “poof” nate and ryan disappear. “what the…” that didnt‘ take long. “nathan and ryan, back over here or you don’t get to spend your tokens like promised!” “poof” back, okay as i ignore all the stares of adults and children alike (i guess not too many people put their child in a backpack unless they are hiking? i’m a trend setter you just wait and see, after people see me the trend will be “leave home without them”) okay back to it, we make it through some isles but not before we have to pass the toy section, that’s an experience i always look forward to, let me tell you. i start smelling something rancid, “what is that?” i smell my hands then i look at kyle who smiles back and i go in to smell him “not you” “not me!” he chimes in, dang it lost the other two again! “yes they are all mine” to the question off in the corner. “i have to go peeee!” kyle yells. okay, “NATHAN AND RYAN! TOKENS” “poof” back. after the bathrooms, i get that smell again, “WHAT, is that? you two stop fighting.” head to the grocery section “stop touching everything guys!” “yes i do have my hands full” smile…headache getting worse. for some reason i touch my hair, it’s goopy, of course, “katie did you spit up in mommy’s hair?” the smell has now been identified…okay whatever. keep trudging along. lets just say the next half hour doesnt change much until we get to the can section, i don’t know what happened all i know is was looking at green beans and all of a sudden i turn around just in time to see the section of canned mushrooms in slow motion mind you start falling, first one by one then a whole mess of them and guess who’s underneath them, yup nate. “oh crap” i run dust nate off, i look to see if he’s okay “wow, that was a bad idea” (george castanza’s dad “serenity now!” in my head over and over and over) *sigh* “lets pick it up” “mom i dropped my cat!” kyle…”hold on kyle” me. “okay nate one hand on the cart” “okay, i promise not to do that again!” lets hope so. we make it to the check out (they put the candy there just to make tired moms like myself cave in at the last moment but my thing is they put it there so i’m just going to let my kids make a mess of it and they can deal with it cause i don’t have a problem saying “no” a million times) with a hundred “i dropped my cats” and another hundred “no you can’t have that’s” another “yes i have my hands full” and a “oops sorry ryan” when i ran him over with the cart, i finally get to my car. load everyone up, and off to KMART i go so the kids can spend their tokens on pokemon stuff. (our walmart doesnt carry any). that actually goes pretty well except that i look down at my cart when i load everyone up and realize that i have two things i didn’t pay for in there, of course…. so i go back pay the $6 worth of things that i almost stole, and finally start the car. i know what can help the situation MCDONNALDS! so i get in the drive through and as i sit there, someone off to my left honks the horn, i look over but don’t see anything, but when i look forward i see three teenagers giving me dirty looks, they thought i had honked at them! as i see their lips moving at me and hand gestures flying all over the place i say “no, no, no, that wasn’t me!” oh whatever. i get my extra larges of everything, start wolfing, go to burger king cause my kids wont touch mcdonnalds for some reason, and then go to get gas, as i stand there, i see a cute little 20 something bouncing back and forth from one car to another, i stare, then look down at myself, with spit up running down onto my shirt from my hair, ketchup (nice) i didn’t notice before on my jeans, i hang up the pump and look into my car with the boys all staring and making goofy faces and laughing. *sigh* smile…need an aspirin, drive the 45 minutes home, brush teeth, say prayers, put kids to bed in their clothes, tomorrow is another day, the boys have big plans to play pokemon cards and with toys, as i unload the groceries i come across one plastic lemon…hmmm interesting. the boys keep talking about their plans and they slowly get quieter and quieter, all is quiet and *sigh* i’m going to bed, to await the adventure of tomorrow!

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