Welcome, welcome, please sit for a bit…go on, go on…OKAY SIT DOWN ALREADY. Thank you…First off I’d like to introduce myself…
I’m what the human that owns this blog likes to calls the Judge-y Cat. I live with the humans in this house of mine here in good ‘ol Iowa. I think she calls me Judge-Y because I give “her” looks all day long on her shenanigans. She’s kind of nuts so of course I’m going to give her looks. psh.
So the other night I overheard the woman speak to the human man the smaller ones call “Dad” that MODA wanted to do an “In Real Life”, of the Designers, and if he would be willing to do a little nice blurb on how she manages working from home, being a mother of 4 and well, just being able to handle it all…he would take pictures and then write all these nice things about her and her work ethics. And well, it was lovely, the pictures were nice, but I deleted it all, and have decided to finally speak out.
This woman V? She’s certifiably insane.
Seriously, this woman is insane most of the year, I KNOW, because I spend the most time alone with this woman during the time that the smaller versions of the two large humans are gone, and the man one is gone the most at some thing called a “Job”. But the woman one? She calls being holed up in the basement with the sewing machine, and making huge (GINORMOUS!) messes, staring countless of hours at the computer, and talking to herself (though I answer her at times hence probably another reason she gave me the Judge-y Cat nick name) her “Job”.
Oh I know what you are saying right now “But Judge-y Cat, she shows us such nice pretty pictures of her sewing space, and finished products like this one.”
“And Judge-y Cat she shows us quilt and bag patterns all done up nicely like these.”
ALL A LIE! A ROUSE IF YOU WILL!!!
This is our living environment at the moment:
Allow me to explain. Every six months around this time she calls “Market Time” she gets all kind of special blend of crazy.
I’ve decided to finally come out and tell you of the REAL, the BAD, and the UGLY of this so called “Market Time V”.
She walks around all in rapid speeds around the house, on the phone, on the computer, sometimes in near tears saying over and over “When is the fabric going to get here??? WHEN? I only have XX amount of time left before it has to be all done!”
Then the day comes and I get woken up with a door bell ringing from the UPS guy who knows the woman and says “Looks like you got your fabric!”
She squeals with delight and looks genuinely happy for a split second and then starts moving boxes, opening boxes, taking out and cutting fabric, THEN PUSHES ME ASIDE FROM THE DAUGHTER’S BED!
Then she says: “Nothing personal Cat, I just need the bed as my set up spot while I take pictures. Aren’t they pretty??”
I reply with “Don’t care, you took my spot.” and that’s when I give her my nastiest stare, and start PLANNING MY REVENGE MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. sorry.
Okay So I sit and stew…and get super angry because for the next few weeks that sewing machine is going like 24/7, the small humans are UNRULY! There’s no sense of control AT ALL!
This is the kind of crap I have to deal with EVERY 6 MONTHS when the woman is too wrapped up in her “Market Time” state of mind.
I don’t get fed… I hear that the small human’s and the man human they call “Dad” don’t see very consistent meals either during this time either. You would think that she would care more because she’s starving herself…but no the woman can live off of sparkling water and any kind of chocolate she can remember where she hid a stash. FOR WEEKS! Absurd!!!
SO I SIT AND THINK HOW CAN I GET BACK AT HER.
And then it happens…
Bright light bulb — I know how to get back at her.
I’ll sabotage her work and make it horrible for her:
“Oh I’m sorry, were you working? Don’t mind if I do lay on this.”
I’ll take her spot any time she stands up:
“What? Just keeping it warm for you my dear…but if you try to move me I’ll bite you.”
Any time she sits to bind?:
“Hey look guys I have a human growing out my butt! HAHAHA!”
I’ll get on her newly finished quilts:
“Just making sure it doesn’t get up and move is all.”
and EVERY TIME SHE WANTS TO TAKE A PICTURE????:
I’ll be there!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
“Oh I’m sorry…DID I MESS UP YOUR COVER??” MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
“BAHAHAHA!!! Didn’t see me hiding behind the quilt? Oh LOOK OOOPS!” Maniacal laugh!!!
I GOT YOU SO GOOD!
eh. okay. I’m tired. I hope to make it through this Market Time fiasco yet again. Wish me and the rest of the humans in this house luck. We’re going to need it.
Go check out who takes over these blogs today as well. Maybe it’s another disgruntled cat like myself: