The Blog

remote civil wars


we seriously need new pictures of us this was almost taken two years ago

so i don’t know about you but my husband has some kind of weird attachment thing going on with the remote control.

for example as his butt is getting ready to hit the chair or bed the remote needs to be within range if not already in his hand. if even a nano second passes after his butt hits the chair/bed the panic sets in. there has been a time or two where i just stand and stare at him as the panic mode button is hit and the baseball hat flies off his head and falls to the ground, pillows are strewn about and a high pitch “where is it? VANESSA! where is it?!!!” which in our family the first thing that comes out of our mouths when someone asks where something is, is “did you check up your butt?” to which he answers “vanessa, i’m not joking.” to which i answer back. “yeah neither am i.” yes i know not the kindest thing to say…but funny.

well i’ve learned in our 12+ years of marriage that this pathetic ritual that happens every single night is just part of the man i married and love. and yes, i do the good wifely duties and LET him have the remote. it stays on his side of the bed, it stays in his hand while fast forwarding the commercials, and it stays in his lap nice a warm during the shows. basically i shut up and put up. because it makes my man happy.

every once in a while i get the honor of fast forwarding the commercials to which i usually get a scoff of “did you want to fast foward through the whole show.” and i’m all “do you want to ever get lucky again?” but i just think that i don’t saaaaay that. so i “good wifely” hand over the remote control and give all control back to where he THINKS it should go.

well everything changed just one week ago today.
let me set the scene:

the husband and i are in bed, i’m binding a quilt, the husband is adjusting the pillows ever so slightly so he can be in optimal relax mode.

the husband starts one of his shows and gives out a sigh of relief. i look up and look what’s on roll my eyes and keep binding. knowing that he’ll get to “our” shows after a few of his regular happy making shows.

in the middle of the show he stops it, starts fiddling with the remote and i look up.

just in time to watch in slow motion as he had hit “select all” and was ready to hit “delete”.

as i yell in slow motion mind you “WHAT IN THE…WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!”

to which he turns to me in slow motion and yells back “WHAT IN THE…WHAT AM I DOING?!!!

we stare at eachother and stare at our now completely empty DVR’d section (and i should note that we had a weeks worth because we didn’t get to sit very much last week)…and i again ask “why? why would you erase EVERYTHING?”
he answers back “it was a MISTAKE! i meant to erase all of that one show because it was a repeat and i didn’t need to watch them. OH WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!!!”

in the 12+ years of marriage to this man i’ve never seen him cry. that night was the first night i saw almost actual tears.

we sat in silence for a minute. neither of us wanting to talk. both of us in shock.

i break the silence with a “give me the remote.”

head hung low, not even a mutter of complaint he handed over the remote

honestly, it was like Lee surrendering to Grant.

oh and you bet your bottom dollar i don’t let him forget it either. like when he was making a hot dog in the microwave. i made sure to add a little “now don’t hit delete before you hit start. that won’t cook the hot dog.”
or like when he starts to complain that i’ve decided that we are watching our shows first. all i have to say is “um yeah who hit delete? keep your pie hole shut.” and we go on our merry way and continue to watch GLEE.

victory is mine.