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soul searching…

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with GI Joe being in the states it makes it that much more “real” that we are almost at the end of this year long deployment. this last year i have gotten a taste of how it is to be a single parent. i salute those women who don’t have “just a year” alone. this last year has seen me more on my knees in prayer and in tears. but one thing is for sure, i’m really lucky to of experienced it because i feel like i’m walking away a much better person (a little rough and frazzled around the edges, with smoke coming off of my singed hair, but still better). sure i can say that because it’s almost over and hind sight is 20/20. my heart goes out to those women and their families that are just starting or are in the middle of or that just got notice to get ready for deployment. i can feel the anxiety, fear, pride, anger all mixed into one ball all over again for them. just know you are not alone, as i have found, those wives left behind to live their lives without their spouse become some of your best-est friends, those women who have already been through a deployment or many deployments will become your pillars to lean on, use them. and lastly those wonderful women who have never been through a deployment and know nothing about the military lingo, who don’t know what a MOS is, or how it is to be a military wife, will give you love, support, cookies, babysitting , and words of encouragement, take them.

i’ve been asked time and time again “how do you do it?” my answer is “you just do, you don’t have a choice, except one, it can either be hell every single day because you make it that way, or you make the best of the situation and put a damn smile on your face.” sometimes it works other times chocolate works with some crying, and a couple of good army wives to nod and know exactly how you are feeling. but all in all it’s in the attitude.

and now we are embarking on a new journey, the “getting used to having dad around” journey. i’m glad to be getting ready to “get on with it” but i’m also finding that i will need to re-adjust my daily schedule to include the man i married back into my life. i will have to get used to not sleeping on his side of the bed, i’m going to have to get used to not reading till all hours of the night and i think the hardest one is going to be having to get used to cooking more than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or cereal for dinner!

so i’m getting on with it, i’m making dinners, actual dinners (the kids are not happy), tonight i’m attempting to sleep on my side of the bed, i’m in full force ahead mode to organizing the house and my time. i’m making myself slow down in the reading dept. (seriously 4 books in 5 days is a little over board) and i’m getting ready. getting ready to finally have him back in our lives.